Too Broken

Lately I've felt the Lord just constantly stirring in my spirit and burdening my heart with such urgency for the souls of the hurting, broken, and lost. 

Then I realized that this is how we should feel all the time! 

That's how God feels about His children- an urgency for them to come to know Him and we should have the same attitude to see our own brothers and sisters come to know Him too. 

I realized this during a retreat that I went on with my Africa team and as soon as I did, Satan began attacking me in what seemed to be the little ways. My team sat around one another and we began to share our testimonies. As soon as we started, I began to think mine was too broken and that mine was too weird and that I only needed to share things in my life similar to the others in my group. For the first time, I didn't want to share my testimony. I didn't want people to know who I used to be and how broken and rebellious I used to be. 

However, God has completely different plans and when I opened my mouth and started, I shared everything except two aspects God is still working on me in putting into my testimony. {If you want to read my testimony click here: http://notbondagebutfreedom.blogspot.com/2014/12/here-it-goes.html}

But besides that- everything. 

Our testimonies were supposed to be around 4-5 minutes long and mine ended up being 9. Even after laying it all out there for my team, satan still told me I was too broken for the people I'll be ministering to in Africa and that they won't be able to relate to my testimony. 

I then got really quiet and didn't like being attacked because I've felt God in the strongest ways lately and didn't feel Him in that moment and I realized I had gotten too prideful of that- of God working and moving in my life and feeling invincible. 

I went to sleep in prayer and with close friends praying for me and woke up and in doing my quiet time I decided to read Psalm 62 because of a song I've grown quite fond of. {If you want to listen to that which I strongly encourage click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5nXhvJ0i5w}

In reading this, I felt so encouraged and revived and realized that I'm not invincible by any means but that God within me IS and He will NOT fail. 

God ALONE loves me and cherishes me and fights for me. 

I strongly encourage you who read this to read that passage and even listen to that song. 

• No testimony is ever too broken. 
• Who you are now or who you have been is never too broken or messed up for God to use. 
• He has you where He wants you and the season He wants you in for a divine reason. 
• God will use you wherever you are and will lead you in what He wants you to do and will place people in your path that you're able to help and able to minister to. 
• You are not broken and neither is your story. 

Psalm 62 directly tells us that God is our refuge where NO enemy can reach us. He ALONE is our rock and salvation where we will NOT be shaken.

In writing this Psalm, David doesn't say that it's God + our control (or whatever), he says that it's God + Nothing. 

The word "alone" is mentioned 4 times in this chapter and in every context being in God Himself having all of the power and strength and being the One we should base our trust and faith upon. And because God alone has ALL the power, the enemy cannot harm/ touch us. 

The people who bring you down in life- God says their words and actions mean nothing and are lighter than a breath of air.

The things done against you do not define you. 

God Alone Is Our Steadfast Rock And Hope And We Will Not Be Shaken.

Liberty University 4/22/15

Tonight was truly unexplainable.

Tonight was reviving and healing and glorious and the student body left Campus Community filled with the Spirit and lives utterly changed.

We left on a spiritual high- not saying that's not okay because I needed healing tonight as much as the next person- but what happens tomorrow?

What happens when we get back to our dorms and get a bad phone call from home or wake up the next morning with temptation and fear staring us in the face waiting for us to crawl back into what we were just set free from?

What happens then?

What's the aftermath of being on a high?




War



Yes I said war. As soon as we began to walk away from the events of tonight, Satan was already planning ways to hit us where it hurts and bring us right back down. The enemy is going to put the wrong people in your path and create seemingly unbearable circumstances to make you question the healing you experienced tonight. (I'm preaching this to myself as well.) 

So how do we combat that?

How is our flesh supposed to fight back?

Well it's actually an easy and shocking answer: 
                   WE DONT FIGHT

What the heck? Why not? Is the enemy just going to walk all over me?

The answer to that is yes- if you let him.

The solution to war is not fight because God is fighting for us. God has already won every battle we're going through. He fights for us daily but the great thing to REST in is that JESUS PAID FOR ALL OF IT ON THE CROSS. The blood shed of Christ covered us and our circumstances with grace, mercy, and a vast, unconditional love. 

So take away from all of the above with peace and rest that your Father is holding you so close to Him. 

{Son, your Father has it covered. There is nothing you can do that will make Him love you more than He already does. There is nothing here on this earth that you can achieve to make Him more proud of you.}

{Daughter, you Father calls you loved. He calls you perfect and beautiful and holy and righteous in His eyes. He sees no flaw in His creation and formation of you. There is nothing you can do to earn His approval or satisfaction of you because He's the proudest a person ever could be of YOU.}

I'm going to do one more thing and write out a prayer for those who take the time to read this and make it this far..


-God, I thank you for the way You showed up and showed out at Campus Community tonight. I'm thankful for Your sovereignty and for who You are and for Jesus' blood on the cross that has paid our debt in FULL. I pray tonight for those reading this and even for those who will never know this prayer exists in that You guard them as they travel home to bad circumstances, as they face old temptation throughout the day. God, I pray that You give them a constant reminder that You are holding them so near and that You have already overcome the trial in front of them. I pray you give them peace and rest in knowing You have paid and covered it ALL. I pray that they wake up each day and go throughout the day with their focus fixed on You and that they're not afraid to just stop and pray for strength when they need it. I pray You remind them that they are healed and forgiven from their past and that any sin that they've ever done does NOT define them. Let them know that their identity is the sons and daughters of Your kingdom that You have pronounced and claimed them to be. I pray they seek accountability with their struggles God and that You bless them with community and surround them with encouragement and blessings. I pray that as we prepare to part from one another that You intercede on our behalf to put people in our path right now that we will be able to do life with back home and let us not forget the things we've learned here from one another and how we've grown in You. I pray that You take away all worry, fear, shame, any emotion that is not of You, God, I pray you ease our hearts, minds, and souls and continue to strengthen us through You and through the community we have here together in the next few weeks to remind us that we're not alone in life and in our struggles and to remind us of what a supportive family we're apart of and the blessing and privilege that is here at Liberty. I pray all of these things in Your holy, precious, healing, trusting, powerful name Jesus - Amen.}

Service + Responsibility

The world has varying opinions about Christianity.
Some say that life "gets easier" after becoming a Christian. Others say that there are too many "rules" and "laws." Nevertheless, one thing can be agreed upon here: Children of God have responsibility. 

Now what exactly do I mean by that? Well in specific context of this post -- We are called to spread the gospel wherever we're planted. That could be where you work, the people you get into the elevator with everyday, your peers in class, or the people you go and directly serve overseas or maybe even in the next town over. God has so many of us planted in thousands of places across the world to spread His gospel. But you may be asking why is this our "responsibility?"

Responsibility is defined in the Merriam- Webster Dictionary as: "a duty or task that you are required or expected to do"

If we are serious about being a child of God and wanting to live out the life He has in store for us and wanting to do His will, then it is our duty to SERVE Him in making His name known.

[-Now notice I said SERVE. Let me make one tiny thing clear: God does not need us. He doesn't need us sinful humans to make sure that He is known and glorified. He Is God. He could do it all by Himself, but that's not what He wants. He WANTS us. He wants to have a relationship with us. He wants us to serve Him by serving others just as He would. God is God. He can do anything He wants and He CHOSE to create you and I. He wants you on this earth. That just blows my mind-]

Okay, rant over.






Eh not really.



Matthew 28:19-20 says "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”


God calls us to go. He wants US to DO His will. But get this- God does not just want us to "do" He wants us to BE. God doesn't want us to do these things just because we're told to. He doesn't want us to spread His gospel to one or two people and then proclaim to have fulfilled His work- No. He wants us to BE proclaimers of Him everywhere we go and to everyone we talk to. We, as His servants, should BE His light for others in the dark places to see. Move from the occasional action of being a servant to something that defines you as a Child of God.

And this applies to everyone.

• Not just the people who go and evangelize overseas.
• Not everyone is called to be a witness to those in other countries and that's okay.

But we are all called to spread God's word and be missionaries in wherever He puts us.

Just because you don't go overseas to serve, does not mean that you're not a missionary.

If you are a Child of God serving our Father and making His name known, you're a missionary. Simple as that.

However, for those of us who stay where we're planted, we do need to support our brothers and sisters who do feel the call to go overseas. Not necessarily with money but also with constant prayer in their mission to seek the lost in other countries where it is harder to spread the gospel and to those who have been kept from ever hearing the name of Jesus.

I feel called to go overseas and will take any chance I get to do so. One of my best friends feels called to stay in the US and be a witness wherever God places her. 

• BOTH OF THESE CALLINGS ARE OKAY 

What's not okay is staying lukewarm and getting stuck in complacency and contentment. As children of God, we're supposed to be on fire to share His goodness. You never know who around you needs hope or encouragement and all it takes is you listening to whatever calling God is placing on your life and stepping out in faith that He will provide for you financially and will give you strength and wisdom to do His will.

So, what is God calling you to do?

You Choose- Fear or Father

This week has been by far one of the hardest that I've had in a long time. 

• Sunday I felt something in my spirit that wasn't settling right.
• Monday I found out that my best friend is physically fighting for her body to be well.
• Tuesday I got in an argument with one of my best friends here at Liberty.
• Wednesday I couldn't even worship or even talk to God because of the negative attitude I had developed and how resentful I was feeling.

Nothing in my life was going the way I wanted it and I felt like everyone and everything was crumbling around me.

I started to become terrified of what else life was going to throw at me next. 

I took the anxieties of everyone else and put them upon myself and Satan took that foothold and made me scared and in desperate need of some kind of control. I naturally took a tight hold of my eating disorder because I knew that no one else could control what happened in that aspect of my life and I let Satan feed me the lie that if were "prettier" or what the heck ever that my life wouldn't be as bad as it was in this past week.

I bought into that and held on.

But through this week God still blessed me.
Even though I wasn't taking care of my body properly

---

Even though I wasn't in His word or praying 

---

Even though I had completely turned my back on His truth and was trying to deal with all of these issues in my own way....

God still provided for me and blessed such an undeserving sinner

GOD IS ALWAYS FAITHFUL.

If I'm being totally honest I didn't plan to write this and I'm not sure what direction it's even going in.

But what I do know is that while I've run from God this week, He's pursued my heart relentlessly and after reading this: https://courtneypwarren.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/no-such-thing-as-fear/ and listening to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1RQciil7B0 I felt the arms of my loving Father pick my soul up and cradle me in His arms and just love on me in the most gracious and undeserving way and tell me that He's got it; that I don't have to live in the constant fear of Satan attacking me because I AM HIS DAUGHTER and He has me right where He wants me.

He's blessed me with exactly the right people.
He's put me in the middle of the perfect storms so that I could be reminded of how much I needed Him and how I can't do this life on my own.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells me that "God hasn't give [me] a spirit of fear and timidity, but of POWER, LOVE, and SELF- DISCIPLINE."

Power in HIS name.
Love that He so freely pours out upon us.
Self- Discipline in His will and proclivity to run TO Him in the hard times.



1 John 4: 16 & 18 reassures me that "16 We know how much God loves us and we have put our trust in His love. 18 Such loves has NO FEAR, because PERFECT LOVE EXPELS FEAR."

You are HIS SON and HIS DAUGHTER.

He is working ALL things for your GOOD. Not to harm you but to help build a lasting relationship with your Father in heaven who will NEVER fail you or give up on you or walk away from you!!

- God is still God and God is still good - To God Be The Glory -

- You Can't Do Life Alone -

- Growing People Change -