God In A Box

That's what we do right? We put EVERYTHING in a box because that's where it's safe. If it's in a box then we can control it...

Don't we do the same thing with God?

We tend to put Him in a box, tape down the edges, and put Him on the shelf to collect dust only to unwrap His greatness when we're desperate.

Lately, I've put God in my own box.

In my last post I shared my story with you guys but I'm struggling with other things too. These things are part of my story but I'm not quiet ready to share them until I've let God overcome these situations in my life.

Putting God in a box has been my downfall the past few weeks. During the stress of finals and my attitude towards spending a month at home, I put God in a box.

I told Him I didn't have time for Him. I didn't have time to let Him take control of my anxiety and worry. I told Him I would handle it myself and basically that I didn't need Him.

I said that to God. Of all people. God. The man who WILLINGLY gave His son to die for the freedom I have from the chains of sin.

I told this man I didn't need Him; that I as a mere human (who He designed Himself and put on this earth) could handle my own problems better than He could.

Wow. I amaze myself sometimes.

Anyway...

When it came to putting God in a box, things (obviously) only got worse.

I began to not interact with Him at all. Not through prayer, my devotion, or even worship which is my favorite thing to do. I had put Him in a box for what seemed like so long that I began to doubt if I even had a relationship with Him or if He was even real.

I blamed God for not being present in my life because I pushed Him away. Wow. I'm something else ya know?

But let me tell you...
Even when I put Him in a box and taped it really well and hid the box really well in a corner, He still showed up and showed out in my life. Here's a few examples:

1) My Brother.
          As I said in my story, my mom married my step- dad when I was 5 years old. With him came three of my step- siblings. Of all people I became closest with my brother who was much older than me. He was just like that protector that every brother is to his sister. I loved that. I loved him. About 5 years ago him and his dad (my step- dad) created WWIII. They stopped communicating and I wasn't allowed to talk to him or hang out with him anymore. I didn't know why. All I know is that it hurt a lot because I thought my brother had abandoned me and that was the last thing I needed to feel. However, I began to pray. I say the word "pray" lightly just because I was going through a tough time. However, I prayed the same prayer every time the holiday's rolled around for 5 years: That my brother would come have a meal with us. After last year when he didn't show up, I got discouraged in praying for it last year. But mom told me not to give up just yet. This Thanksgiving, my step- dad reached out to him and invited to our traditional Thanksgiving lunch and for the first time in 5 years, my brother responded with "ok cool." Well no one knew what that entailed so we acted in a way that meant Yes. That meant we believed with out whole hears he would come. And sure enough in the midst of making our lunch there was a loud knock on the door and it was none other than my brother who I had not seen in 5 years. Oh man were there tears. Tell me that wasn't God.



2) Victoria.
          Victoria is one of my dearest friends I've made while being at Liberty this semester. She was in my Biblical Worldview class and our friendship soared in Christ. She's a great gal, really. We talked about potentially being roommates, moving off campus, etc. When mom shot down moving off campus and living on the upper south side of campus, we weren't discouraged because we knew that we'd still remain friends and would make time for each other. However as Financial Check-In for the Spring Semester quickly approached, all hope seemed lost for Victoria to be able to attend Liberty this coming semester. I was heartbroken. To think one of my closest friends wouldn't be within an arms reach away anymore devastated me. So even though I was struggling spiritually I resulted to praying because that was all I could do. She did all that she could in asking for donations and just for prayers and on December 5, 2014 as I was on my way to Pennsylvania, I got a text message of pure joy. Victoria texted me and told me God was good and almighty (duh) and that Liberty/ the Falwell's gave her a scholarship that covered the money she needed to pay to be able to attend next semester. Again, a God thing.



3) Africa. 
          My heart, life, and joy. Africa. As some of you reading this may know, and for those of you whom I do not know, in the summer of 2012 I went on a missions trip to Sierra Leone, Africa. It was physically and mentally one of the hardest mission fields. We lived as they did with no real beds or running water for 12 days and I had no connection to my family back home so I thank God my mother was with me. Anyway, since I got home from that trip I've been praying that God would present me with an opportunity to go again. To keep sending me where my trust would be without borders. Summer of 2014, the opportunity arose for our team to be able to go back to the same orphanage and the same village and boy were we all over that. However, God ended up shutting the door. Because of the Ebola outbreak in West Africa, it was extremely dangerous for us to go and interact with the people there. After much debate and hope to still go, two days... TWO DAYS... before we were supposed to board our plane, the trip was cancelled completely and I was beyond devastated and hurt. I was so confused as to why God had left the door open for so long only to have it slam in our faces. However, my desire was still Africa. More than anything I've always wanted to travel and do missions in some way. After Global Emphasis week at Liberty, I put in an application form for two different countries in Africa. About a week or so later, I got a phone call from the Global Engagement Office and the voicemail told me that the trips I had applied for were full but to call back to explore other options. I didn't call back. I was too frustrated and "done with missions" because silly me didn't get what she wanted. However... God is still God and God is still good... right before I got Victoria's text message, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize except that it was a Lynchburg zip code. As I went to ignore it, my friend Katie told me to answer just to see... So glad God intervened through her in that moment... The call was from the Global Engagement Office wanting to tell me about other trips that still had open spots. The first place she mentioned was Cameroon, AFRICA. AFRICA PEOPLE. As I contently listened she told me that we would live as the people there did, which I was prepared for in my previous trip to Africa, and have the potential to work with deaf and hard-of-hearing people. I don't think I've mentioned this yet but just so you know, I AM A SIGN LANGUAGE MAJOR. I AM BEING EDUCATED IN THE DEAF CULTURE. That right there was God telling me, this is the trip I want you to go on. The woman on the phone barely got done telling me about the second trip option ( I honestly can't tell you where it was because I was so excited) when I blurted out to sign me up for Cameroon. She scheduled for me to have an interview the following Monday and I am now proudly able to say that things are in the works of me going to Africa in May of 2015 :)


But even through these works of God, I could clearly see Him working in my life but I was aggravated because I couldn't feel Him. After ALL of THAT I was STILL struggling with finding Him and feeling Him and being personal with Him.

I still had God in my box and He (being God) shone through and showed me He was still there and wasn't going anywhere.

At this moment, I'm still untaping that box I put Him in. I love to have control over things. When things spin out of control, I cling to my eating disorder and cutting. Not God. I'm working on that. 

I'm starting to pray again. Not just meek and mild prayers that I could do on my own but BOLD and AUDACIOUS prayers that only He can answer. These past few weeks have been rough but I'm untaping the box and letting God have control over my life again. Not just parts of my life but ALL of it.

All of this in saying: Don't Put God In A Box.

What's the point? In the end, He ends up showing up and showing out and makes you realize you're a dummy for putting Him there in the first place. 

Allow God to do more with your life than you could ever do on your own.

God is still God. God is still Good. To God Be The Glory.