I Didn't Wait...

I didn't wait.

I wish I would have.

I didn't wait to have my first drink when I was 21.
I didn't wait to have my first cigarette when I was 18.
I didn't wait to have sex until marriage.

But why is waiting important?
I mean most people don't wait right?

I had my first drink of alcohol my freshman year of high school.
Okay lets be real not even my drink... the first time I got drunk was the first time I had ever drank in my life. Once I thought I knew how much "fun" it was and how "cool" it made me seem, I was hooked. I got drunk every time I had the opportunity too. I made a fool of myself countless times and always regretted it the next day but I did it all over again the next weekend because I started to realize what an escape from reality it gave me. I didn't drink for the pleasure or fun of it, I drank because I hated my life and drinking made my brain do weird things and I was able not be in my own body or state of mind and I just forgot about all the pain I had pent up inside myself. Still... I wish I would have waited.

Why?

Because then I would have had to speak up about my problems instead of drinking them away. I wouldn't have gotten caught up in lie after lie to my family and friends of everything being "okay." I would have gotten the help I needed earlier and maybe my life would have turned out different but God is still God and God is still Good.

18. Legal. (For the most part). I had my first cigarette when I was 13. My half- sister invited me to sneak off with her and her boyfriend at a family cookout and I went and that's when I felt she accepted me more into the family because I smoked with her. Then when I was asked to smoke at parties, I did. People were shocked that me of all people liked to smoke but I didn't "like" it; it just became a habit. Again, I wish I would have waited.

Why?

Because I wouldn't have given in, once again, to my addictive behavior. I wouldn't have been just another teen statistic. I wouldn't have had to steal money from my mom so someone else could get them for me. I wouldn't have had to cover up the smell, hide the box, or the lighters. I could have avoided a world of mess.


Everyone says to wait until you're married to have sex. It's more "valuable," "precious," "sacred," ... ... okay you get the point. 

And the thing is, it IS all of those things.

I didn't realize that until I gave it all to a guy that could have cared less about me. This guy gave me attention, told me I was beautiful and sexy and said all the right things. He told me I was worth it and that I was special. I believed him. I believed every word this boy said to me even though I knew he was talking to other girls. I had proof he was talking to other girls.
Okay... Call me and idiot because well.. I was.. but...
HE TOLD ME HE HAD SEEN/ WAS SEEING OTHER GIRLS. 

Did I care? Apparently not because I bought into those lies because I stopped looking for those truths in God. And I gave this boy what I didn't realize was so important to me. Did this boy talk to me after that? Nope. He got what he wanted and didn't speak a word to me until awhile later when he wanted it again. 

Moral of all of that?

Wait.
WAit.
WAIt.
WAIT.

You're young. You don't have to follow what society teaches us about having to have everything and anything right when you want it. I promise waiting IS worth it.

I'm 18.
Because I didn't wait, I crave alcohol sometimes.
Because I didn't wait, I want to smoke sometimes even though it's DISGUSTING.
Because I didn't wait, I gave up what was most valuable in my eyes and God's eyes: my purity.

The way I view men now- altered.
The way I think men should treat me- screwed up. 

But here's the catch.

Because of God's ABOUNDING GRACE and unending mercy, He has forgiven me. He doesn't see what I've done because I surrendered my past to Him. That part of my life, my lost purity, I gave that to God and He still loves me because that's what Jesus died for. Wow. 

I have been pure since January 2014. 
Almost a year now.
How Amazing.

God is still God. God is still Good. To God Be The Glory.